Goodbye negativity, hello proactive growth!

I have always believed that when you want something, you just go out there and grab it. This includes all aspects of life. Whether you really freaking want that crème filled doughnut or wanna snag the digits of the cute guy at the bar you have to be proactive. Without it, you live a life full of “what ifs?” I am not new to my way of thinking, sadly I have thought this way for a long time. But you know when you get to that point where it is just soooo much easier to say “I’ll do it later,” or my favorite “I just don’t have the time!” pushing it off to the following week, month, year.  I am super at doing this. As the quote goes “Procrastinators unite…tomorrow!” Oh yeah! Then I get into a funk of bad habits, stressing out over things I really have power to change and blaming myself. I am pretty sure we have all been there. The never ending downward spiral of negativity and angst.

I lead this group...no seriously.

2012 has really shown me that what I want I have to be proactive about. I obtained a job in January of this year in life insurance doing some accounting based work for a small startup company.  I loved it, felt like I really found a place I fit in. The job was so accommodating, my bosses were great and when we hit our marks it was awesome.  Then there came a point where instead of growth for me, they hired an old co-worker they use to work with at a previous company. One by one my tasks were handed to her and next thing I knew, I got the “We have to lay you off call.” I was astounded! Even worse this job was a 45 minute commute from my home and I was in transit when I received that call. Nothing is more frustrating than being half way to the office when you are let go. What a sincere feeling of rejection, no matter how impersonal it was, I just felt like I was not good enough. Never good enough to appease my self, my bosses, my friends....

"In the mornings

I was anxious
It's better just to stay in bed
Didn't want to fail myself again

Running through all the options
And the endings
Were rolling out in front of me
But I couldn't choose a thread to begin"

When I was let go from my position with the company I was two weeks away from a vacation with Shane and our friends to Vegas. I was frantic, not knowing if I would be able to go and not feeling I should go without having something  lined up for me when I came home. You all know that scary feeling of not knowing if you can pay your bills or anything else of that sort. I felt it. Bad. That was a point where I knew I had to be proactive. I updated my resume with my new credentials and references (at least my previous employers allowed me to use them as references) and sent copies out in masses! Luckily because of Facebook I was able to reconnect and network and landed a job the day I was leaving for my vacation! (Vegas was a blast, felt like I should include that.)

You know you want to take your photo in front of that sign...

After all the stress of that situation, I sat down. I needed to know what I wanted in life; it wasn’t acceptable for me to just work a dead end job somewhere that I wasn’t happy. I needed to finish the schooling that I had started and go for the career I wanted, and the lifestyle that appealed to me.  I wanted a vibrant world around me. Where could I get that? I did some soul searching connected with the people who knew me best and decided the best thing for me would be to move forward in life, move from my comfort zone and figure out who I am and whom I am supposed to be.  

Pretty sure I used this...often....

Chicago, I look to you for new growth, life and experiences. I come with open arms and open mind with my furry boy Milo, my tiny sports car, and absolutely no savings. But the desire to find out what is out there. I want to experience the unbridled love and passion you inspire in so many.

I believe I am on the right track, finally.